Baseballs Official Energy Drink

A clinical assessment of what is happening out there on that baseball field.

Fernando Tatis Jr. operates at a frequency that cannot be fully prepared for by any coaching staff, scouting report, or person who has seen him play before and therefore believes they know what to expect. He does not introduce chaos into a game so much as he arrives at the ballpark already in a state of chaos, dressed in a uniform, having somehow organized the chaos into a form that produces hits and stolen bases and defensive plays that cause the television broadcast to cut to a slow-motion replay immediately, before the regular-speed version has fully completed. The chaos is not a malfunction. The chaos is the method. The chaos is what it looks like when Fernando Tatis Jr. is doing what Fernando Tatis Jr. does, which is baseball, but at a volume setting that most players are not equipped to access and most pitchers have not adequately planned for in their pregame preparation, which was probably thorough, because they knew he was in the lineup, and the thoroughness of the preparation did not ultimately matter, because the chaos arrived anyway, on schedule, in the third inning, during what was supposed to be a routine at-bat.

The Tatis Pure Chaos tee is for Padres fans who have made peace with never knowing what is going to happen next and have come to understand that this is not a bug but the entire point of having a ticket. District DM130 Perfect Tri® Tee — featherlight, broken-in soft, and available in Desert Tan Heather, Purple Frost, Soft Yellow, and White. Wear it when you want other people to understand that you have watched Fernando Tatis Jr. play baseball and have arrived at a settled, documented conclusion about its essential nature.

• 4.5 oz. — light enough for a fan who needs to be ready to stand up suddenly and without warning, which describes every inning when Tatis is in the lineup
• 50% polyester / 25% combed ring-spun cotton / 25% rayon — tri-blend construction that maintains its integrity under conditions that would destabilize lesser garments, much like opposing defenses under conditions that would destabilize lesser athletic endeavors
• Rib-knit neck that holds its shape through events that defy easy categorization in the box score’s standard formatting options
• Tear-away label — comfort at the collar, so you can focus entirely on whatever is currently happening, because something is currently happening, and it is worth your full attention
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping for a structured fit appropriate for someone who has accepted that structure is relative when Fernando Tatis Jr. is on the base paths
• Available in Desert Tan Heather, Purple Frost, Soft Yellow, and White — Padres colors for a Padres player who is doing Padres things, except louder

Size Chart