I'm Basically Two All Stars

Most players get one All-Star vote. Shohei Ohtani gets two, and both are correct.

The All-Star Game has rules. One of the rules is that you pick the best player at each position and you put them on the team. Another rule, unwritten but understood, is that you are picking one player per slot, because players are generally one thing — a pitcher or a hitter — and the slot requires one thing, and you fill the slot with the one thing the player is. Shohei Ohtani arrived in the major leagues and immediately made this system uncomfortable. He pitches at an All-Star level. He hits at an All-Star level. He does these things in the same season, for the same team, while also being paid $700 million, which is a number that requires a moment to process when you first hear it and does not get less large upon reflection. The question of how to classify Ohtani — pitcher or hitter, one slot or two, one player or something that requires a new category — has been a genuine administrative challenge for the people who run the All-Star Game, and their solution, which is essentially to make special rules for Shohei Ohtani specifically, is the most accurate possible acknowledgment that standard rules were not designed with him in mind and cannot fully contain him. He is two All-Stars. He takes up one roster spot. Both of these things are true simultaneously, and the baseball world has more or less accepted this as a permanent condition of the sport going forward.

The Ohtani Two All Stars tee is for Dodgers fans who have watched Shohei Ohtani do two things that most players cannot do one of, and who have found this enjoyable in a way that occasionally tips into something that feels more like watching a demonstration of a concept than watching a baseball game. District DM130 Perfect Tri® Tee — featherlight, broken-in soft, available in Grey Frost, Royal Frost, and White. One shirt. Two All-Stars. The math works out.

• 4.5 oz. — light enough for a fan attending a game where Shohei Ohtani is scheduled to pitch, which means he will also hit, which means you are getting two games in one game and need to be comfortable for the full duration of both
• 50% polyester / 25% combed ring-spun cotton / 25% rayon — tri-blend construction that holds together through a full season of a player doing two jobs that other organizations have entire separate roster spots for, simultaneously, cheerfully, at an elite level
• Rib-knit neck that holds its shape through the broadcaster explaining Shohei Ohtani to someone who has not seen him play before, which takes a while because the explanation sounds implausible even when it is completely accurate
• Tear-away label — no irritation at the collar, just a clean, well-built shirt for someone who has watched the greatest two-way player in baseball history take an at-bat in the same inning he was warming up to pitch and found this entirely normal, because it is, now
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping for a structured fit appropriate for someone in Dodger Stadium watching a player who is technically one person but occupies the statistical and conceptual space of two, doing both jobs at once, on the largest contract in professional sports history
• Available in Grey Frost, Royal Frost, and White — Dodgers colors for a fan watching a Dodger who has redefined what one roster spot is allowed to contain and has done so with an economy of fuss that makes it look like the easiest thing in the world

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