If You Blink I Already Stole

He was on first. Now he is on third. You blinked.

Elly De La Cruz does not operate at the speed of baseball. He operates at the speed of a decision that has already been made before the pitcher has finished his windup, before the ball has left his hand, before anyone in the stadium has processed what is currently happening. He was standing on first base. The ball was hit to the shortstop. This is a routine play. And then something occurred in the interval between the ball leaving the bat and the throw arriving at first base, something that involved Elly De La Cruz moving through space at a velocity that requires calibrated equipment to measure accurately, and now he is standing on third base, and the crowd is making noise because the crowd saw it happen and still isn't entirely sure what it saw. The shortstop is standing there with the ball. The replay will be examined. The replay will confirm that yes, he did that, and yes, it happened that fast, and yes, if you blinked you missed it, and missing it is the correct default outcome because the human eye was not designed to track Elly De La Cruz at full extension on a Tuesday night in Cincinnati.

The De La Cruz If You Blink tee is for Reds fans who have sat in those seats and felt the specific helplessness of watching a human being run faster than your attention can follow in real time. District DM130 Perfect Tri® Tee — featherlight, broken-in soft, and available in Black Frost, Red Frost, and White. Wear it to Great American Ball Park and keep your eyes open because blinking is optional but missing what Elly De La Cruz does when he decides to run is a loss you will feel for the duration of the drive home. Wear it when someone asks what makes him special and you need a shirt that answers the question in the same amount of time it takes him to go from first to third, which is very little time.

• 4.5 oz. — light enough to wear while leaning forward in your seat waiting for him to go, which he has already done, he went while you were leaning forward
• 50% polyester / 25% combed ring-spun cotton / 25% rayon — tri-blend construction that moves well, though not as well as Elly De La Cruz, because nothing does
• Rib-knit neck that holds its shape through nine innings of watching the baserunning decisions that make opposing catchers briefly reconsider their career choices
• Tear-away label — nothing irritating at the collar, which is more than the third baseman can say about receiving that throw from the catcher that arrived after Elly was already there
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping for a structured fit appropriate for someone watching the fastest player in baseball do whatever he wants on the basepaths
• Available in Black Frost, Red Frost, and White — Cincinnati black and red for a Cincinnati moment happening right now if you are paying attention, which you should be, do not blink

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